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5 Reasons Narcissists are Always on the Defense:


5 reasons narcissists are always on the defense:

1.They have the “I have to get you before you get me” mentality.

Narcissists are so afraid of being victimized that their mantra is to “get you before you get me.” They do not know another way to operate. This is the only survival technique they know. They know their own intentions (to hurt, control, and use people) and they think everyone else’s intentions are the same. Thus, they must jump the gun before you “win” by hurting them first.

2. Their cup is full to the brim of self hatred.

Narcissists loathe themselves. This usually stems from their childhood for starters. It’s very possible they were victimized and abused. This abuse inflicted created a thought pattern that they are worthless, dirty, and a piece of crap. He or she learned that no one is going to protect them and the only way they think to protect themselves is to abuse others/control others. Even though they learned this to get by, it still goes against basic human nature of being inherently good. This creates a cycle of shame and self loathing. Their cup overflows with fear, disgrace, and self hatred for continuing to victimize others. However, they know no other way to make themselves feel better.

3. They think they are always on trial.

If you have ever had a conversation with a narcissist, you will see that they only care about appearances. They speak as if everyone is watching, judging, and creating a verdict. They might threaten you with “everyone thinks this.. “ or “you have shown by your behavior you are not capable”. It’s all manipulation. Any sane person knows we are not on trial here. Take that overzealous manipulation somewhere else.

4.They usually have things to hide.

By nature, Narcissists have to be pathological liars. To get everything they want, they must fabricate their stories. They will fudge on their resumes. They will take on a new persona to get through the job interview. They will sell you a dream of marrying them and moving around the world to have the best life ever. Sounds great, right? Where’s the harm in that? Watch what happens when you catch them in a lie or question their validity in any of the edeavors. They will turn on you like a rattlesnake. You are not allowed to catch them in a lie because that hurts their image.

5. They cannot communicate just to communicate. They only communicate if there is a way they can use this person as supply for their own needs.

This may be difficult to digest if you are not an abusive person. Normally, our basic human nature is to connect with others. But, to a narcissist, people are just a means to control and use. If you do not agree with them or have something to give them, they will drop you like it’s hot. They will pour gasoline on that bridge and burn it quicker than you’ve ever seen. You are either fuel to them or you are dead to them.


Sidenote, Narcissists see the action of victimizing you and creating drama as something to gain. They may not let go of you if they can still cause you emotional pain.

4 thoughts on “5 Reasons Narcissists are Always on the Defense:

  1. Great blog with great insights and information. Thank you.

  2. You hit the nail on the head. The best part about leaving my abusive marriage was I learned to not care if he made his friends think I was a b@tch and ruined the marriage. He can try to fool others but I’m not fooled. He is still nasty but I only have to deal with it in small doses. Hard part is protecting my kid :-/

  3. I know a few narcissists. Thank you for helping us to understand them better.

  4. It is a powerful message for self-empowerment on the journey of change.

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